Mama Gone Green is a blog dedicated to raising happy children and reducing our impact on the Earth. My name is Taryn and I am the mother of 2 young kids and an environmental studies instructor at a community college in Portland, Oregon. Please join me as I journey through life as a mama, teacher, knitter, photographer, gardener, and environmentalist!

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Reflections and Gratitudes

It's been a hard week. A few days ago I posted about losing my dog, my loyal friend, of 15 years. What I wasn't yet ready to talk about during that post was that I also signed my divorce papers the following day. And this week I found out that a former student of mine, and amazing human being, passed away. I also had two very close friends lose important people in their lives this week as well. It has been a week of tremendous loss, for sure.
I surprised myself and didn't cry while I signed my divorce paperwork. I didn't feel much of anything really, except relief. I figured that I had already mourned that relationship as it began to dissolve a year ago.
But, I think that it just took a few days to fully sink in. Thursday night I began to cry, and I couldn't stop. And I really couldn't pinpoint what exactly I was crying about.... Puppy cow? My marriage ending? The death of my student? Really I think I was just crying about all of it. About life. About how quickly it goes by and how it can end so unexpectedly. About how relationships, even the good ones, always seem too short. About the fragility of life and the power of love.
I am still not finished being sad or mourning this week of loss. However, I have done a lot of processing over the past few days and have decided on a few things. Things I already knew, as I am sure you do too. But things that I am grateful to have been reminded of once again:

1. Life is short. Have fun. Do what you love as much as you can.

2. Make sure that the people in your life know how you feel about them. Tell your kids you love them a lot, even though they already know this. Tell your friends how much they mean to you. And cultivate relationships where you can be open with your feelings.

3. Be open to new experiences. Face your fears. Think outside the box. These are often the moments that make life worth living.

4. Life can be hard!  So.... be grateful, for everything that you DO have. Because you know you have a lot.

And with that, here are my list of gratitudes for the week:

  • Love and kindness. The world is overflowing with it if you just know where to look. My friends have shown this to me this past week. Thank you, friends.
  • Feeling comfortable with my decisions, even when I have been hesitant to make a choice.
  • Silver linings (more on this to come soon)...
  • New beginnings. Hope and excitement. Possibilities. I guess this is the official start of a new chapter in my life. I get to help guide it in the direction that I want it to go. I am looking forward to seeing where I lead myself.....
  • My patient children, who have accepted me for me this week, sadness and all. I couldn't give them the energy they deserved, but they showered me with love nonetheless.
  • My sweet Moshi. Losing a dog is a teeny bit easier when you have another great companion by your side.

What have you felt grateful for this week?

Joining in with the other Taryn from Wooly Moss Roots

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  1. Oh gosh Taryn, I am so very sorry for everything you have been through the last week. My heart aches for you. Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs.

    Thank you for those reminders, such great ones. I look forward to learning more about that silver lining :)

    Wishing you a lovely start to your week, and hoping you find some peace in all of the sadness. Hang in there.

  2. very sorry you had such a hard week dear.

  3. I'm sorry to hear about your hard week. What a lot to take in. Your list of gratitudes is warming and perfect. Wishing you a quiet happy week ahead.

  4. Taryn! I wish I could give you a hug - the week you had was challenging but you know what? the paper signing was just a paper. Good things are happening to you and I love how you listed gratitudes in spite of the overwhelming loss this week.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and your perspective. Sometimes looking at it from another point of view makes the burden much easier to carry. xo

  5. That is a lot to carry my friend. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability ... I hope you will give yourself time to grieve each of those things seperately and that you will be gentle with yourself

  6. Taryn - I am totally behind on reading blogs with all that has been going on in my family and in my life. Thanks for this post. Wow, you are going through some rough stuff right now, but what an example of strength and courage you are to your children and to others. Here's wishing you peace of mind and lots of love in the coming days.