Friday, January 11, 2013
This Moment
{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a
moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A
moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by Soulemama.
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Thursday, January 10, 2013
Sorry...
So Phoebe, at 22 months, has entered a very cute phase. She is all sorts of silly and is talking up a storm, making me laugh left and right. But, my favorite thing that she has started doing is apologizing. I know it seems like a simple thing, saying sorry when you hurt someone or do something 'naughty', but it melts my heart every time.
Me: "Phoebe, ouch! That really hurts mommy when you kick me"
Phoebe: "sorry mama"
And, just like that, I am not upset anymore because it is just so darn cute. I think a lot of it is because Finn never spontaneously apologized, and, in fact, still has trouble with apologies. So, the fact that she uses the word (appropriately) just seems amazing to me (toddlers can do this?!?). And, especially since she can't say "s" sounds very well, and it comes out all fuzzy sounding, just makes it even cuter. And if someone is really sad, her sorry comes with a leg hug.
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Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Yarn Along
Joining in with Ginny at Small Things for another yarn along! I have finally finished the sleeves on Phoebe's tea leaves sweater, but still have to do the front edging. For some reason, I keep procrastinating that. It would probably only take me a night of knitting if I would just start it! I should just re-name this the forever sweater. In the meantime, I decided to knit one of these cowls for a special someone and start a second (maybe for me?). I guess that is why I am not finishing the sweater-- I just want to start new things!
I am still reading Visit Sunny Chernobyl: And Other Adventures in the World's Most Polluted Places. I am about halfway through. I am enjoying reading about the places that the author is describing, but he seems to be sort of cranky and annoyed with everyone he comes into contact with. Maybe all of those people are annoying, but it makes him seem pretty cynical, and thus, I have been making my way through this book pretty slowly. I think I am due for some easy-reading fiction for the next book I dive into.
What are you reading? What are you knitting? Pin It Now!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Gratitude Sunday
Joining in with the other Taryn of Wooly Moss Roots for Gratitude Sunday.
This week I am feeling oh-so-grateful for many things....
- For the wee bit of time that Todd and I have been finding (making) to spend alone with one another and the improved relationship that has come along with that.
- For little miss Phoebe who is seriously cute as can be right now. She is talking up a storm and almost every word just melts my heart.
- For a good weekend with Finn. Even though he had a rough first week back at school, he has been a pretty happy camper all weekend.
- For good friends here in Portland. Sometimes the job of being a parent can be isolating, but looking at my busy social schedule this weekend, I am so happy to have such wonderful friends in my life.
- And, finally, that no one is my family is sick. We spent almost the entire month of December cycling through illnesses, and I am glad to say we are all back to health!
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Friday, January 4, 2013
New Beginnings
Back in September, my 5 year old son, Finn, started school in the public school system. He had a very hard transition into school. So hard, in fact, that it prompted us to get him evaluated by some specialists, and we found out that he has something called sensory processing disorder. I wrote a post about the initial part of our journey with Finn, but with the change in our routine over break and re-starting school after 3 weeks off, the degree to which this disorder affects him has become so apparent to me.
Finn thrives on routine. And, while it usually works well for me too, I also enjoy breaks where we can be routine-free: do what we feel like, stay in our PJs all day if we want, watch more movies than usual and go to bed a wee bit late. Finn enjoys that lack-of-routine while it is happening, but boy do we pay for it in the end. Even going to bed at 8:30 instead of 7:30 can create a very crabby child the next morning. Bigger changes to the routine, like Todd being out of town for a few days over new years, created a complete upheaval. Even though Finn didn't ask for his dad, he started whining and complaining about everything, crying at the slightest upset, and wasn't able to organize his thoughts enough to figure out what to do with himself. I know this isn't good for Finn, and it certainly wasn't good for me. No matter how many times I told myself to be patient, to keep smiling, to understand that he is not in control of his body, eventually the whining and complaining got to me. I would try and make him laugh and he would yell at me for saying something he didn't like. I just couldn't win. Moments like these have been common with Finn over the past few years, but since he has been in school and in a routine, those moments seemed to be shorter and more manageable. An hour here or there, but normally not for an entire day. I could see how much these changes to the routine were affecting him (and therefore me!). So, while I was a little bit nervous about school starting up again, and how he would transition into the classroom, I was also looking forward to getting back on a routine.
Well, school started back on Wednesday and although Finn had a small 5 minute meltdown when we dropped him off (which we were totally ready for), he recovered pretty quickly and was happy as could be when I picked him up. He had gone pee at school (a big struggle we have been dealing with since September.. and in some respects his whole life) and told me he wasn't nervous about going back the next day. Thursdays drop off was metldown-free (yay!) but I got a call at 12:45 that Finn had peed himself at school and was throwing a fit because he wanted me to come and change his clothes for him (also a struggle that we dealt with in the first months of school). So, I went. I changed. I thought that accidents happen, so no big deal, right? At 2:15 I came to pick him up and he had wet his pants again and was in tears. This time, there were no more extra clothes (we had used them after the first accident) and so I took my sad guy home wet and stinky. Then Friday morning, our morning routine went awry. Finn was walking very slowly to school, and despite my warnings that would we get there later than usual, he didn't pick up the pace. And while we weren't late to school, we were not first or second like we normally are, and this completely threw him off. He started crying and had a tantrum, literally, for 30 minutes before I could get him comfortable enough for me to leave. It's like we were back to day 1. Then at pick-up, I was told that he cried for 30 minutes before lunch because he needed to pee and felt like he might have had an accident (even though he hadn't) but the teacher had to stay with him and calm him down until he was ready to pee. Not a great first week back, huh?
But, despite the rough mornings and bathroom issues, he has been having fun at school and is happy when I pick him up. Also, he has been less emotional and more 'together' during the afternoons/evenings since school started. So, I feel like school stresses him out, but also helps him organize his body and feel better. Double-edged sword.
And now I sit here wondering if things will ever get easier for Finn or if this is just what life is going to be. At OT (occupational therapy) on Wednesday, Finn's therapist told me that he isn't really progressing much... not nearly as fast as we would expect. And she said that while he clearly had sensory issues, she thought there were some other puzzle pieces missing. We know he has a lot of anxiety, but he also seems to have trouble with basic problem solving. So, we aren't really sure if we are even addressing all of the issues. In the hour that he is at OT, he spends about 50 minutes getting comfortable enough to interact with his therapist, which means he only has about 10 minutes of good quality work time. Is it worth the time and (lots of) money that we are paying if he is not progressing much? Do we need to be more patient? Are we approaching this from the wrong angle?
This is all so stressful for me because I keep thinking that we are not making the right decisions. Maybe this isn't the right school, maybe he isn't going to the right therapist, should we keep him in OT, blah blah blah. Somehow, I keep blaming myself for all of this. Maybe I was exposed to something while pregnant, maybe I missed some crucial bonding moment of his infancy, maybe I have not been reacting to his tantrums the right way. But today, my husband told me something that deep down I already knew: this isn't about me, this is about Finn. It doesn't really matter why he is the way he is, it just matters that we help him through this time. Yes, this is probably going to completely suck for us, as parents, for awhile. Tantrums at drop-off, going to school for potty accidents, trips to OT and therapy, embarrassing moments in public, days of whining... none of that is fun, but it is what we need to do. We didn't choose for Finn to be like this, but neither did he. It is my job to help him and guide him and support him. And doing that is definitely is not going to be easy, but it's what has to be done. I would do anything for my favorite guy, hands down. Now I just need to learn how to do it with a bit more grace.
Do any of your kids have trouble with transitions or need a strict routine? If so, how do you deal with breaks from school? Pin It Now!
Finn thrives on routine. And, while it usually works well for me too, I also enjoy breaks where we can be routine-free: do what we feel like, stay in our PJs all day if we want, watch more movies than usual and go to bed a wee bit late. Finn enjoys that lack-of-routine while it is happening, but boy do we pay for it in the end. Even going to bed at 8:30 instead of 7:30 can create a very crabby child the next morning. Bigger changes to the routine, like Todd being out of town for a few days over new years, created a complete upheaval. Even though Finn didn't ask for his dad, he started whining and complaining about everything, crying at the slightest upset, and wasn't able to organize his thoughts enough to figure out what to do with himself. I know this isn't good for Finn, and it certainly wasn't good for me. No matter how many times I told myself to be patient, to keep smiling, to understand that he is not in control of his body, eventually the whining and complaining got to me. I would try and make him laugh and he would yell at me for saying something he didn't like. I just couldn't win. Moments like these have been common with Finn over the past few years, but since he has been in school and in a routine, those moments seemed to be shorter and more manageable. An hour here or there, but normally not for an entire day. I could see how much these changes to the routine were affecting him (and therefore me!). So, while I was a little bit nervous about school starting up again, and how he would transition into the classroom, I was also looking forward to getting back on a routine.
Well, school started back on Wednesday and although Finn had a small 5 minute meltdown when we dropped him off (which we were totally ready for), he recovered pretty quickly and was happy as could be when I picked him up. He had gone pee at school (a big struggle we have been dealing with since September.. and in some respects his whole life) and told me he wasn't nervous about going back the next day. Thursdays drop off was metldown-free (yay!) but I got a call at 12:45 that Finn had peed himself at school and was throwing a fit because he wanted me to come and change his clothes for him (also a struggle that we dealt with in the first months of school). So, I went. I changed. I thought that accidents happen, so no big deal, right? At 2:15 I came to pick him up and he had wet his pants again and was in tears. This time, there were no more extra clothes (we had used them after the first accident) and so I took my sad guy home wet and stinky. Then Friday morning, our morning routine went awry. Finn was walking very slowly to school, and despite my warnings that would we get there later than usual, he didn't pick up the pace. And while we weren't late to school, we were not first or second like we normally are, and this completely threw him off. He started crying and had a tantrum, literally, for 30 minutes before I could get him comfortable enough for me to leave. It's like we were back to day 1. Then at pick-up, I was told that he cried for 30 minutes before lunch because he needed to pee and felt like he might have had an accident (even though he hadn't) but the teacher had to stay with him and calm him down until he was ready to pee. Not a great first week back, huh?
But, despite the rough mornings and bathroom issues, he has been having fun at school and is happy when I pick him up. Also, he has been less emotional and more 'together' during the afternoons/evenings since school started. So, I feel like school stresses him out, but also helps him organize his body and feel better. Double-edged sword.
And now I sit here wondering if things will ever get easier for Finn or if this is just what life is going to be. At OT (occupational therapy) on Wednesday, Finn's therapist told me that he isn't really progressing much... not nearly as fast as we would expect. And she said that while he clearly had sensory issues, she thought there were some other puzzle pieces missing. We know he has a lot of anxiety, but he also seems to have trouble with basic problem solving. So, we aren't really sure if we are even addressing all of the issues. In the hour that he is at OT, he spends about 50 minutes getting comfortable enough to interact with his therapist, which means he only has about 10 minutes of good quality work time. Is it worth the time and (lots of) money that we are paying if he is not progressing much? Do we need to be more patient? Are we approaching this from the wrong angle?
This is all so stressful for me because I keep thinking that we are not making the right decisions. Maybe this isn't the right school, maybe he isn't going to the right therapist, should we keep him in OT, blah blah blah. Somehow, I keep blaming myself for all of this. Maybe I was exposed to something while pregnant, maybe I missed some crucial bonding moment of his infancy, maybe I have not been reacting to his tantrums the right way. But today, my husband told me something that deep down I already knew: this isn't about me, this is about Finn. It doesn't really matter why he is the way he is, it just matters that we help him through this time. Yes, this is probably going to completely suck for us, as parents, for awhile. Tantrums at drop-off, going to school for potty accidents, trips to OT and therapy, embarrassing moments in public, days of whining... none of that is fun, but it is what we need to do. We didn't choose for Finn to be like this, but neither did he. It is my job to help him and guide him and support him. And doing that is definitely is not going to be easy, but it's what has to be done. I would do anything for my favorite guy, hands down. Now I just need to learn how to do it with a bit more grace.
Do any of your kids have trouble with transitions or need a strict routine? If so, how do you deal with breaks from school? Pin It Now!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The First Yarn Along of 2013
Joining in with Ginny at Small Things for the first Yarn Along of the new year! Now that the Christmas rush is over, I am back to finishing up Phoebe's tea leaves sweater. I must say, it's nice to be knitting without pressure again. I do have quite a few things on my to-knit list (including a few things for me) but I know that there isn't any rush.
I recently started reading Visit Sunny Chernobyl: And Other Adventures in the World's Most Polluted Places. It is sort of a travel-adventure guide for places that are environmental disasters. It is full of information and is very humorous, but also somewhat disturbing in its own way.
What are you reading? What are you knitting? Pin It Now!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Hello 2013!
The switch from one year into another is always a change that I welcome. A time for new beginnings, a time to assess my priorities, and a time to dream big for the future. For some reason, that fresh start always helps make the hurdles in life seem a bit more manageable, even if only for a few days.
I almost always make a list of resolutions for the new year. And not one or two things I would like to work on, but usually around 15 or 20. I know that I won't accomplish them all or succeed at every one, but it is a way for me to redirect my attention to what is important and where I would like to focus my energy. Included on this year's list are things like learning to knit cables, eating a salad with every dinner (I notoriously hate making salad even though love eating them), updating my address book, reducing the amount of food we waste, and helping Finn to boost his self confidence. And, despite the long list of resolutions, I am also focusing on slowing down. Enjoying the everyday moments with my family and accepting that is is perfectly OK to have days where nothing gets accomplished. As much as I love my to-do lists, I know that in the end, that list is not what is truly important.
2012 was a pretty tumultuous year in my household. A lot of change, a lot of worry. I am hoping that 2013 will be a year of rebuilding and of mending, and a year of joy. I truly do have so much to be grateful for.
Wishing you all a wonderful 2013! Pin It Now!
I almost always make a list of resolutions for the new year. And not one or two things I would like to work on, but usually around 15 or 20. I know that I won't accomplish them all or succeed at every one, but it is a way for me to redirect my attention to what is important and where I would like to focus my energy. Included on this year's list are things like learning to knit cables, eating a salad with every dinner (I notoriously hate making salad even though love eating them), updating my address book, reducing the amount of food we waste, and helping Finn to boost his self confidence. And, despite the long list of resolutions, I am also focusing on slowing down. Enjoying the everyday moments with my family and accepting that is is perfectly OK to have days where nothing gets accomplished. As much as I love my to-do lists, I know that in the end, that list is not what is truly important.
2012 was a pretty tumultuous year in my household. A lot of change, a lot of worry. I am hoping that 2013 will be a year of rebuilding and of mending, and a year of joy. I truly do have so much to be grateful for.
Wishing you all a wonderful 2013! Pin It Now!
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