Mama Gone Green is a blog dedicated to raising happy children and reducing our impact on the Earth. My name is Taryn and I am the mother of 2 young kids and an environmental studies instructor at a community college in Portland, Oregon. Please join me as I journey through life as a mama, teacher, knitter, photographer, gardener, and environmentalist!

Monday, February 2, 2015

(Not) Starting Over

I am sure that most people, at some point, have wished they could start over. Go back and fix their mistakes, make different choices, be a better person. But, eventually, we learn that these 'mistakes' we make are really just our way of learning and becoming our true self. Our mistakes make us who we are.
Now try explaining that to a three year old.
Over the past few days, Phoebe keeps telling me that she wants to disappear. She wants to start over and become a baby again, and this time make only good choices. She said that her brain sometimes doesn't let her make good choices, so she wants to go back and try again. Profound, right? But also way beyond her years and quite unexpected.
Each time she has said this, it has been after she has been playing quietly and happily. It wasn't said as a reaction to me for anything I said. I have no clue where these ideas came from.
I mean, we do talk about making good choices. And trying our best. But I have never, ever, said that she isn't good enough. Or that we need to just completely start our life over.
This has also coincided with a time where she is starting to explore the idea of death and dying. Which is completely normal at this age, but still something that is hard to talk about. How do you  talk about death with a young child without lying and without freaking them out? I still freak myself out if I think about it too much, and I am 37.
Anyways, I guess my point here is that the mind is a powerful thing (even at age 3).  We want to be our best self and it is frustrating when we can't. I still feel this way. But I am not sure that I am ready for big philosophical discussions with my baby. Not yet. They grow up way too fast as it is. Can't we just talk about numbers and letters, bugs and flowers? Playing with friends? Favorite animals?

And Phoebe, just so you know, I love you just the way you are. I love your good moments, and your bad too. I love your sweet side as well as your sneaky side. I love all of you and I love you to pieces. Please don't disappear and please don't start over. I want to be on this journey together, through the good times and the bad times. I'll take it all, my dear, because I love all of you.

Let's not start over, and let's do it together. Pin It Now!


  1. Big stuff for a little one, and also interesting. I wonder what it all means....

    1. I agree. I keep wondering if she got the idea from a book she read at school or something her brother said, and extrapolated from there..

  2. I am amazed at how children think and perceive the world. My daughter was the serious deep thinker and my son, not so much although now as an adult he has quite the views and I love hearing his ideas. I think that she is telling you everything and I guess that is good. I would not mind a do over once in a while either.