On Love, Loss and Puppy Cow

 

I have sort of disappeared from this space. The past couple of weeks have been a bit heavy, and I just wasn't ready to share.

Over the weekend, I had to euthanize my 15 year old dog, Puppy Cow. It had been a long time coming.... it was probably about 18 months ago when I started to wonder how long he had left. And somehow, he persevered.... and kept on keeping on.

It's a huge gift, and a burden, to have the power to decide when it is the right time for your dog to move on. Even after making the appointment, I was questioning my decision, considering cancelling. But as the time grew nearer, I knew that I was doing the right thing.

Puppy Cow was amazing. I adopted him from an animal shelter in Durango Colorado. I was there with my sister, who was looking for a dog for HER. I already had a dog at the time, Sam, and the thought of getting a second dog had never crossed my mind. But when I saw this sweet little 4 month old puppy, who was going to be euthanized in just a few days because he was blind, my heart melted and I couldn't help but bring him home.

I wouldn't say that he had a rough life-- he just wasn't so lucky in the physical department. Blind from birth, he ended up needing both ACLs replaced, and his bone structure was messed up so he developed arthritis at an early age. But yet, until the past year when he started to whine more frequently, he never complained. He just always exuded a sense of joy and acceptance, no matter the circumstance.

He was such a loyal friend and has been in my life for so long that I feel like it is the end of an era. I adopted him before I went to grad school. Before kids were even a thought in my mind. He lived with me in 3 different states and 5 different houses. He even outlasted my marriage.

Puppy Cow was one of a kind. Truly. And I will always hold a place in my heart for him.

And I thought that my tears were done, but I now realize that they aren't. My heart is heavy but also so very full.