A Post of Mourning

Tonight, I can't stop crying. For the people who lost their lives at Umpqua Community College. For the families and friends of those who died. For the hatred that causes someone to do that. How easily that could have been my school, my colleagues, my students or me. What will it take for us to decide that guns are not the answer?

Tonight, I can't stop crying. For another storm hitting the east coast. For the natural disasters that seem to have become so commonplace in recent years. For the way that we can all just ignore the blatant signs of climate change, and continue to live life as we do, continue to not create the change that we need.  I worry every day about what kind of a life I am giving to my children, what they will have to contend with as they get older, and how scared they may be to face what lies ahead.

Tonight, I can't stop crying. For my friend who has a daughter in ICU. And for all of the other parents out there whose children are sick.  And for all of the parents who have lost children. I can't even imagine.

Tonight, I can't stop crying. For my dissolving marriage. For my financial stresses. For my dog who is nearing the end of his time. For my children, and the transitions they are going through. For life, and everything it throws at us.

But then I realize, really, how small my personal worries are compared to serious illness, mass shootings, climate change.

I think, sometimes, it is just all too much to handle at once. We humans are strong, we are resilient. But everything has a tipping point, no? And sometimes we just need to sit down and have a good cry. Let it all out. Allow ourselves to really feel the sadness that comes with being human, and hope, really hope, that tomorrow will be better.

So tonight I will cry. I will cry for the students in Roseburg, I will cry for the people being flooded on the east coast, I will cry for all of the mothers and fathers who are worried about their children and I will even cry for me. And tomorrow, when my children wake up, I will put the sadness aside. I will look into their eyes and I will be reminded of the millions of things that I have to be happy about.